


One

by blessedthrice



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon, Captain Levi, Commander Erwin, Erwin - Freeform, Erwin Smith - Freeform, Levi Ackerman - Freeform, Levi x Erwin, Loss, Love, M/M, Romance, eruri - Freeform, erwin x levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 22:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6213046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blessedthrice/pseuds/blessedthrice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It frustrated him, how naive he’d been, how foolish. He was a commander, for fuck’s sake. He was a man with one singular destiny, one singular path. One singular arm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dykejonze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dykejonze/gifts).



> another drabble--this one for my lovely girlfriend who requested that i write her some pining!erwin as a gift. eruri, spoilers, etc

It was only inevitable. He’d been foolish to believe that it could be anything more than puerile. The stolen kisses, the midnight rendezvous, the quiet sex in the confines of his bedroom. Erwin had allowed himself to get invested, to get emotional--it was a mistake he’d made many times in his life. He was a man of many feelings, after all, even if he didn’t often share them with others.

If Erwin were being honest with himself, he’d been rather hopeful. He’d pictured a world beyond the walls, beyond this war. A world where him and Levi could properly say what was on their minds, where they could go to the sea and look out on its vastness and touch from elbow to finger and just _be_ together.

It frustrated him, how naive he’d been, how foolish. He was a commander, for fuck’s sake. He was a man with one singular destiny, one singular path. One singular arm.

Erwin looked down at the stump and frowned. It had been several months since the incident and he still struggled to figure out just what to do with the thing. Relearning to write with his left had been cake compared to teaching himself how to dress. How to pick things up off the floor. How to brush his fucking teeth. It was all a lot of fuss and a lot of trouble and of course Levi didn’t want to be involved and who was he, Erwin Smith, to blame him?

It had started from the moment he’d left the infirmary. For weeks Levi had been nothing but by his side. The tea had been drinking temperature, the wet cloths to his forehead soft and soothing. Levi had even read to him a little, from a book that he’d inherited from his father. It was a story about two cities he could imagine perfectly in his mind’s eye, a welcome distraction from the still-bloodied stump that remained of his right arm.

The morning they’d finally released him, Levi had pinned the sleeve of his shirt, and helped him into his harness. And then Levi had all but disappeared, and in the weeks that followed Erwin began to slowly realize the reality of the situation. He and Levi had had a convenient arrangement, of course, but that was all it had ever been. Levi respected him as a commander, as a soldier, and as a friend, but as a lover Erwin was merely the closest thing and it was no longer convenient, and thus, no longer arranged. Erwin could see that now, and though it was difficult at moments for him to accept, he was doing his best to let sleeping dogs lie.

There were moments, though. Moments so powerful and deep and quivering with emotion that he nearly lost his resolve. Moments when Levi would pass into his office and recite the monotony of the goings-on around the barracks, report on the movements of the troops, advise on their next moves, and Erwin could imagine crossing the barrier of his desk, scooping the smaller man’s lean body into his arms--arm, and--

“--are you even listening to me, old man?”

Erwin winced, realized too little too late that he’d been staring across the room above Levi’s shoulder for the better part of fifteen minutes. They’d fucked there once, against that very bookcase. He savored the brief memory, interring it deep into his thoughts so that he might revisit it later.

“My apologies, I must have gone away from myself a moment,” Erwin replied politely, rubbing his left hand over his eyes, which were ringed by black circles and heavy from lack of sleep. He’d been lying awake nearly every night for a month, wondering whose bed Levi had slunk into in his stead. Perhaps Mike’s, or even someone from the taverns. It was childish, but he couldn’t help himself. He was a man of too many feelings, stupid and desperate.

Erwin was surprised at how close Levi had come to him. In the time it had taken him to massage his eyelids the smaller man had crossed the room, slunk around his desk and now stood with an indignant hand on his hip near Erwin’s chair by the window. Erwin blinked, gazing up with interest into Levi’s eyes, which had abandoned their usual indifference in favor of something burning and bright and simmering that Erwin couldn’t quite place.

“What’s your deal?” Levi demanded, and he leaned towards Erwin, so close that he had no choice but to scoot slightly back. His deal? He shifted uncomfortably, struggling to formulate the words. Levi had noticed how difficult it was for him, naturally. Levi was an intelligent man. It wasn’t exactly his finest moment, but he’d have to explain now that he’d been letting his emotions get in the way of their professional relationship. He would apologize, of course. He would lower his pride to tell Levi that, although he knew Levi had likely found his release with another man, a man with two arms and little baggage, he understood completely and was taking drastic steps towards letting the whole ordeal slip behind them.

As he opened his mouth to express exactly that, Levi’s own crushed against his, knocking the wind from his insides. His eyes widened, so shocked that he could hardly return the rough and affectionate kiss except to place his left hand at the back of Levi’s neck, holding him there. When Levi pulled back, it was with hands tangled in Erwin’s collar.

“I don’t understand,” Erwin said softly, never taking his eyes from Levi’s. “I thought you’d moved on--I recognize that I’ve little to offer you now in the way of pleasure, what with my arm being what it is...”

A brief expression of shock passed over Levi’s features, only just noticeable to Erwin, who’d spent much of the last decade searching Levi’s face for clues.

“What are you talking about, Erwin.”

“My--my arm. You’ve been distant. I assumed you’d lost interest in me.”

It sounded ridiculous now, somehow, although he’d been positively certain of it not two minutes before. A flush began to work its way up his neck, staining his ears slightly pink.

Levi watched him a long time, and Erwin began to notice a change. A softening. There was a world of words in Levi’s eyes, expressions and contentments and fears and anguishes that Erwin realized he’d long overlooked.

“Tch. You fucking idiot,” Levi said finally, but there wasn’t much conviction there. He placed a gentle kiss on Erwin’s forehead, letting his chin linger. “You almost died,” he added, quiet and soft. Erwin closed his eyes, astounded. The weight of Levi’s emotions lay heavy on him, and he had to wonder at what sort of man he was, that he could see so much and notice so little.

They stayed that way a long while, simply breathing, with Levi’s chin on Erwin’s head and his hands pressed gently to Erwin’s shoulders, their fears and insecurities laid out like dead men between them.


End file.
